Flossing and Chia Seeds

Flossing and Chia Seeds

Flossing is a necessary but disgusting activity. My dentist said it is not the tooth enamel itself that stains, but the islands of plaque. Does this mean that if one has no plaque, then one has no reason to bleach one’s teeth? Or does bleach permeate the enamel? If you use those slippery teeth whitening strips, make sure they are firmly wedged against the plaque so the bleach can attack it.  

I researched dental plaque and learned it is a slime of diverse bacteria. It lives off of old food remnants that rot in the moist tropics of your mouth. When it takes up residence it is in a dynamic fashion. It forms colonies when you are sleeping or not talking and the only way to disrupt plaque is to floss, properly.

I’ve been flossing incorrectly. I thought you had to run the string straight on through but no. The string is supposed to wrap around the tooth on and then rock back and forth, thus dislodging the particles. The resulting particles are always white and smelly unless a stray chia seed is found. Those are darkish brown.

I started to avoid flossing because inevitably the string would get stuck (I have been told I have very tight teeth etc.) and shred into micro threads. Then I felt like there were hairs caught in my teeth. I’d much prefer a decomposing pork shard putting pressure on two neighboring teeth like a shim. I was happy when the floss brand “Satin” came out. And also “Glide.” These strings were flat and waxy. And useless.

No one ever tells you how to treat the floss string itself or if it is a one-pass product. I tried running it under water, wiping it with a Handi-Wipe and using my fingers (causing a powerful odor) to dislodge the chunks before resuming with the same piece of string. Then I worried I was relocating previously dislodged plaque. Meanwhile half of the string was wasted just wrapping around my fingers so I tried flossing with the cartridge intact but it kept banging my chin. 

There is the matter of where to floss. Definitely not in public. I flinch when someone asks for a toothpick at a restaurant and brace myself for that an undirected torpedo of microbial activity. I think men do this more than women, like nose-blowing, but that is another topic. I confess to carrying a toothbrush set in my car. Do you ever brush your tongue?  That is fun.  Or the roof of your mouth?  I do. It tickles and makes me drool in a pleasant way. 

Bathroom flossing in front of a mirror sounds logical but it isn’t the solution. The surface of the mirror is left with microbe cities perched and waiting to either thrive or solidify into small cement-like mounds serving as miniature headstones.   

I have experimented a lot with floss-driving and floss-walking. In order to be successful certain requirements must be met. While driving, choose a route with plenty of stoplights. Then you can floss in sections providing you have the cognition to keep your place. If the road has a double lane be sure you don’t line up your driver side window with another vehicle. He or she does not need to see the expressions you make while flossing. It’s funny how stoplights can be so infuriating when you are trying to get somewhere. When on a flossing mission the stoplights are a huge relief.

There is the matter of where to floss. Definitely not in public. I flinch when someone asks for a toothpick at a restaurant and brace myself for that an undirected torpedo of microbial activity. I think men do this more than women, like nose-blowing, but that is another topic. I confess to carrying a toothbrush set in my car. Do you ever brush your tongue?  That is fun.  Or the roof of your mouth?  I do. It tickles and makes me drool in a pleasant way. 

Bathroom flossing in front of a mirror sounds logical but it isn’t the solution. The surface of the mirror is left with microbe cities perched and waiting to either thrive or solidify into small cement-like mounds serving as miniature headstones.   

I have experimented a lot with floss-driving and floss-walking. In order to be successful certain requirements must be met. While driving, choose a route with plenty of stoplights. Then you can floss in sections providing you have the cognition to keep your place. If the road has a double lane be sure you don’t line up your driver side window with another vehicle. He or she does not need to see the expressions you make while flossing. It’s funny how stoplights can be so infuriating when you are trying to get somewhere. When on a flossing mission the stoplights are a huge relief. 

Floss-walking is the sanest option for me. The unsavory particles join all the other decomposing things outside, and you can finish the flossing in one fell swoop. Floss-walking should only be done outside.

Have you ever noticed how it seems like you should have more back teeth when you floss?  I have. It is like there is a missing tooth or crack somehow.  And those very back teeth are tricky because you are wedging string in between tooth and tissue. It is so satisfying to grab a busy little colony from their hiding space way back there. I save that for last because I always strike dental plaque gold there.

Of interest is the discovery of that darker crumb or individual chia seed, anything that hasn’t decomposed yet. You are more likely to find this immediately following a meal. I always feel like patting myself on the back when this happens because it means I am really on top of my flossing game. 

A quick warning about chia seeds. If you’ve ever neglected a container with stray chia seeds in it, you already know. Chia turns to cement when mixed with water so get those seeds out of your mouth immediately.